Sure, whatever you say.

Babysitting wasn't too bad. I made $27 buck for 6 1/2 hours and two kids. To some that may seem lousy, but truthfully I could use any money. So this is helping, even if it's small.

My brother felt a little better but my mom said that if he didn't get better that we were not going to the Renaissance Fair. That's okay with me as long as he is healthy again.

It's lonely lately, no different than usual, just lame. All well might as well just deal.

I'm kind of bummed, so on with the poetry.


Blue sky let your warmth surround me. Make me want to smile at a new crescent morning. Change the angry words to banter of life. Slowly stop the shaking of these unsteady hands that can touch a surface with grace of a model. Let these eyes find sight of something worth while to look at with pleasure and a gleam of hope. Try these shoes on for size and brighten up the misery that seeps into these broken cracks. And maybe then we all will wish your heavenly touch goodnight and hope that maybe tomorrow you might grace us with an exciting welcome.
  • Current Music

Life is a good way

Yeah well I have to go outside soon to wait for the lady to come and get me. My brother is sick with bronchitis. Blah. He actually threw up three times in one spot, after we ate Wendy's. Not cool. I ended up cleaning it up and it was not easy. Too many chunks...nevermind, I didn't even want to see it. Why explain it!

My mom took him too a clinic and that's how they found out, she should have stayed, but that's my mom for you, she is devoted to her work as manger of the SPCA. Although they have adorable animals, I would rather have my mom here.

Now he is sleeping and he just said something while sleeping, what is going on!? I hope he gets better. I'm not going to be here for awhile and I just hope he will be fine by himself.

I'm watching Nanny on Lifetime. I was watching Cheaters Club, it was okay, but it was just too expected.

Well I will be back later to update on what happens during babysitting. Remember to smile :o)

  • Current Music

Oh lalala

Okay I have decided that if I am in the 'sad' mood that I will write poetry and a real entry. By all means it will be confusing. That's the best part!

Michele is sitting on her computer reading Reason and Romance on fictionpress. That's what she does on late nights. Which is good for her! She is becoming more independent. Good for her!

I found my brother Willy on Myspace. I laughed! He had family pictures of us on there, scarey! Let's just say we were all a little chubby and really bad clothing :o)

My mom wanted to bring home these kittens that lost there mother. There was four but one died of something or another, which means my mom doesn't know. Well if she did bring them home she would bring them tomorrow night. We would have to feed them every two hours. And we would use syringes without the needle of course. Supposedly the can drink two and a half syringes of milk, so yeah. Oh and we would have to burp them. I guess they fit into the palm of your hand, that's how small they are. Who can resist though!? I can't, even though they have there eyes open they are still dependent on others.

I have to babysit tomorrow at 5:30, it's the parent's anniversary. I guess I should feel honored that they trust me to take care of their children while there away. I don't mind, I actually enjoy it because it's something to do.

I guess Sunday we are going to the Renaissance Fair. It's nothing that you would ever experience and it would be my first time! They dress from the time and have knights and Kings and Queens. All that jazz. So I'm a little kid at heart, but who can't resist dress up, although I must say that it must be a scorcher! Especially in heavy dresses and tin foil. They have pretty neat stuff there. Love it!

Oh! When I got here today the little kids from next door were playing on our court and they attacked my dad. They got up in his face and waved, they're cute and everything, but they are overly excited. I guess the parents adopted them because the mother was mentally in-stable and I guess she has had more children, which makes no sense. Anyway I guess the children, there are two, have disabilities. I don't see anything hugely wrong with them. James, I have no idea how he has a disability and Jonathon, well he is a little slow, but other than that they seem like any 6 and 7 year old.

So yeah I guess it's becoming busy here and there. But nothing so huge where it's life changing, yet.

Well right now I'm talking to Chelsea. She is complaining about how she wants her book back from Michele's house. I don't mind, complain away, don't make it an overwhelming habit though.

Watching Mummy on TNT! Yes...favorite part**: "Looks like you're on the wrong side of the river Benny!" Ah, there bitching and fighting is sooo hilarious!

So yeah that's pretty much it for tonight.

  • Current Music
    The Mummy in the background

(no subject)

I've decided that for this post that I am going to just copy and paste a fun conversation I had with my friend. **Reminder: No animals were ever harmed and I did not really take the test, I just messed with her head.**

uDONTknowGEORGE [10:49 PM]: i have 12 mins
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:49 PM]: talk quick
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:49 PM]: i love that story
Nikkigirl047 [10:49 PM]: I'M PREGNANT!
Nikkigirl047 [10:49 PM]: I TOOK AN EP TEST!
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:49 PM]: and u have cancer, what a night!
Nikkigirl047 [10:49 PM]: ITS POSITIVE
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:49 PM]: lmao
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:49 PM]: and uk its error proof
Nikkigirl047 [10:49 PM]: AND ITS GREEN...IS IT SUPPOSE TO ME GREEN!?
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:49 PM]: omg u really took it!
Nikkigirl047 [10:50 PM]: LMAO! I THINK IT DOES HAVE AN ERROR
Nikkigirl047 [10:50 PM]: rofl?
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:50 PM]: rolling on floor laughing
Nikkigirl047 [10:50 PM]: i always wondered what that meant
Nikkigirl047 [10:50 PM]: ahhH!!!!!!!!!!!!1
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:50 PM]: lol
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:51 PM]: ow my my stomach hurts
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:51 PM]: laughing to hard
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:51 PM]: OMG
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:51 PM]: throw it away
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:51 PM]: dont flush it, bad things wiil happen
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:52 PM]: it will clog
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:52 PM]: and then ur dad will find it
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:52 PM]: and then ur screwed
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:52 PM]: OMG
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:52 PM]: LMAO
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:52 PM]: that would be funny
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:53 PM]: ew
Nikkigirl047 [10:53 PM]: FOR THE CAT OF COURSE
Nikkigirl047 [10:53 PM]: :o)
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:53 PM]: ew
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:53 PM]: u sicko
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:54 PM]: im turning u in to the spca
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:54 PM]: lol
Nikkigirl047 [10:54 PM]: SHE IS HAVING FUN WITH IT!
Nikkigirl047 [10:54 PM]: SHE IS ROLLING AROUND WITH IT!
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:54 PM]: OMG
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:54 PM]: ooo look FIRE!
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:54 PM]: omg u freak
Nikkigirl047 [10:54 PM]: :o)
Nikkigirl047 [10:55 PM]: HER*
Nikkigirl047 [10:56 PM]: SHES CHEWING
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:56 PM]: um yeah
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:56 PM]: !
Nikkigirl047 [10:56 PM]: SHE WON'T GIVE IT BACK!
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:56 PM]: omg
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:56 PM]: u loser
Nikkigirl047 [10:57 PM]: SHES BITING ME!
Nikkigirl047 [10:57 PM]: SHE IS IN LOVE WITH IT I SWEAR!
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:57 PM]: well its ur fault!
Nikkigirl047 [10:57 PM]: NOT MY FAULT ITS GREEN!
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:57 PM]: what does the box say that means?
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:58 PM]: omg
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:58 PM]: ru haveing an alien!?!?!??!
uDONTknowGEORGE [10:58 PM]: GTG BYE!!!

Maybe I am having an alien, she just won't know about it. So yeah that's the fun conversation we had, one of many actaully. Some may not find it funny and I am sorry. We actually had a whole debate about whether or not Elmo was hairy down south. We know he is hairy, but is he you know! But yeah, childish, yes, but life is too short to be serious 24/7. Now that I think about it, I think she has a mind that's dirtier than mine! What the heck! She is in trouble...okay, don't ask.

Anyway, let me think, what is new and interesting and people will actually care about it? Oh I know. Crystal is licking herself, that counts, and should always be monitored because what if she starts eating herself. My mom said animals actually do that. She would know, she is manager for an SPCA in Cortland. Today I guess a guy got arrested for robbery or something and my mom had to go and get the dog and cat. I guess he breads them or something, all I know is it's a pit bull and they have an overabundance of those of so friendly animals.

I have to babysit Friday, I don't mind, extra cash that can be used to buying New Moon, the next book in the series by Stephenie Meyer. The first book was lovely really. Couldn't put it down, and I was in Florida when I got it, so I was pretty much sitting in the camper reading it. My mom got quite irritated and was like, 'Get your ass out here and socialize.' I have social skill problems, I need people to approach me, but at the same time I am a good conversation starter if I am comfortable around people. Which is always a nice skill.

I keep talking about me and that bothers me, a lot. My brother who left for Washington (the state) well he failed the English assessment for college. He got English 092, but he needs English 101. He actually is only 17 and he is doing college early and doing High School, but now he can't do college until the next semester which is in January. Oh and he did math and got into Math 082, not really the best. His girlfriend got Math 105 which is college Algebra. I think he is doing well for himself. He got himself a car too, a Nissan Sentra. I don't like the car because I know they break down easily, blah! But he needs one and this is really the best he could get since he doesn't have a job as of yet. I guess his girlfriend's mother is like our mom, which if you think about, well that means she complains and whines a lot. That and bitches. But Caleb needs to learn responsibility because he pretty much was catered to when he lived with my mom. Although he chose this path and he has to deal. He misses my dad horribly. I don't blame him, my dad was pretty much his best friend. When it came to cars they would work together on it, they were like magicians. Other than being home sick he is doing fine and I am glad for him, he needed this, to find himself. Yes, very cliche, but needed. He can't live under my mom's roof forever. That and he mooched off of my dad and mom something fierce. My dad is paying for it now, literally.

What else...Oh! Kyle got a new apartment, he's the oldest of our 'clan' so to speak. It's okay I guess, not the best 2 bedroom home on the block, but good enough for them. I know I said house and apartment, well it's a little bit of both. Anyway, his girlfriend, Stacey, works like three jobs. Kyle only works one, he really is a selfish person. You have to know him to know how he is. If that at all made sense. They get into major fights over whatelse....MONEY! Actually she used to be a coke dealer, actually she dealt A LOT of stuff and actually moved out when she was really young. I know enough about her, we once had a heart to heart. She says she would never 'push' anything on me, ha! that's bull, she pushed alcohol on me, although I could have said no, but still, contradiction always comes back to bite you in the ass. He does drugs too, so I guess they make the perfect couple. He can't get out of it as much as he tries, he is too dependent on it. And at the same time I think he has an eating disorder. Not very lovely thing to watch progress through someone. Not at all. You do it with pictures and it's sickening. I think he isn't to the point where it could kill, but he is still there.

How about I go through all of my brothers? I just might. It will be easier that way.

Willy, well now that's just a bunch of blah! There so much going on with this kid. I love all my brothers, I try to keep it equal, but it just comes back at me and BOOM, makes me see the truth. Well I guess he is coming over here to New York on my little brother, Pauly, birthday. He has a girlfriend and I guess he stopped smoking and that's why he wants to stay in the camper. What a load of bull crap that is, we all know he just wants to be alone with his girlfriend. The only thing that makes me angry when he comes around is that he judges you. If you're not wearing what is the latest craze in California he is going to question you. 'Why not?' 'You should.' 'It's the fad.' That's what pisses me off. Just shut up. I'm not like everyone else, I wear what is comfortable, and if it looks good, well then it's just an added bonus. Willy is just Willy, he thinks he's God almighty. Annoying more like it. I haven't seen him for two years and right now I don't know if I want to now. Shallow hearted, I know, but you have to know him. Uh, I'm getting angry talking about him. Next brother!

Jesse. Well I do believe that he is doing well for himself. Yep. He is working on planes in the air force and is this secret program, he can't tell us anything. He left for London maybe a little less than a month ago. Good for him. He got married, maybe in March/April. Yeah he is doing really good. I am proud of him and all, but who knows what will happen. Him and Willy are sort of alike in thinking if that tells you anything. I haven't spoken to him in forever.

Thomas, well he is all over the place too! I think all of them are! Anyway, he broke up with his on again off again girlfriend. He moved in with her sister, and is still working at the Huddle House. He said he was going to work at Walmart, but didn't because they were offering him less. So he is still there flipping pancakes. As long as he gets the money I suppose. He actually called me not too long ago saying that he was going to find himself. He is going to go through whatever state and settle down whenever, but first he wants to save up money to do it, so I have no clue. He is just so confused with life in general. He also started college, so I don't know how that's gonna work. And when I mean he just started, I mean he JUST started. He likes it and all, but he just needs to get away. He was my best friend when he was here, but we kind of drifted. He made too many promises he couldn't keep, I love him and all, but I can't really trust him words wise. His word sucks. So I wasn't suppose to tell anyone about his plan to go find himself. I didn't, only Caleb, and I don't think Thomas would have mind. He probably would have told him eventually. So I guess that's about all.

Well there is Pauly, but he is still living at home and nothing really is going on there. Just the usual. It's lonely there. No one really is home during the day, only at night, but even then you have to do stuff to stay sane.

Any friends(s) I can think of? Yes! Michelle, well she is going to be staying with the Amish family next month I think. She is going to spend one week all by herself, I think. She is excited about it because she wants me to stay two weeks with the Amish too. Of course we would have to wake up at 4 in the morning, but the experience would be worth it. Hard work really. Gardening, knitting, baking, cooking, cleaning, and basically anything else you can think of. I can garden, I can bake as long as I have the receipt, I knit but I'm still a beginner, cleaning is fine, but cooking full on meals might be a problem. I never liked cooking, baking has always been my forte. So we will see how that goes. Michelle is actually going to marry her Amish boyfriend in her Junior year. So that will be fun, she will have to move in and everything. How she is getting to school is beyond me. It would take weeks just to get to school, so that will be interesting.

I don't know if I missed anything really important. Nope, not really. It's getting pretty basic now I guess you could say. Summer sometimes is boring and just too bland. I would a little adventure now and again instead of the same routine. Wake up, get dressed, eat, do whatever, stay up until all hours of the morning, sleep in until whenever, and then wake up and do the whole over again. Oh so lovely. I swear it sarcasm and a little complaining. I bet if you were stepping in my shoes you would be saying the same thing.

Well I think this has been the longest entry since the beginning of Ice Age. Yay for me, still a little hyper, but it's dwindling. A little.

Everyone have a good night. I wonder what's on TV?

  • Current Music
    The fan blowing and my dad snoring


Younger brother, younger brother plot me a magnificent garden. One with beautiful exotic flowers and plants that have a bountiful of fruit. Life is luscious and so should any garden of Adam and Eve. Plant a tree, let the animals run free. Smile and laugh awhile. Let it be simple and real. We will create paths of our own and share stories of what adventures were taken. Gifts of nature will be shared for all whom care to take a challenge. At the end of the day we can sit and admire such a feat, such simplicity. Not even the Sumerian people could compete. Admiration such as this always runs deep.


(no subject)

The light in the next room is on and the TV is blaring; drowning out the sounds of the night. Your mother sleeps in the next room, waiting to awake to another fast paced day. Your head lulls to the side, you're drifting. In and out. A man you never knew sits in a chair in the living room, bland from all the years of knowing too much. Your little brother is off somewhere, making an adventure or two out of nothing and everything. Your eyes are drooping and you know time is heaving, and weighing down on you. There is no chance of survival and you don't care. You look to the mirror next to you, all the wrinkles and sad smiles are dissipating and all that remains are faded pictures stuck to the glass. You're dying within yourself. A lonely soul with no future to look for in sight. You try to think of all the memories shared. Everything that was torn from your blue sky, all that remains are the pieces of identity and possibility. You gave and shunned no one. You walk slowly to an already rocking wooden chair. Your hair falls over your shoulders; a small burden. Your lashes way heavy on your eye lids and slowly you close your eyes in pleasure. Maybe an hour or so you will rush into a deep sleep and come to life once again a little later. But time has stopped and you're suspended in sleep. Not one will awake until it's too late. You have drifted...they have listened, and tomorrow they will morn. A small smile will crease across your thin, pale lips. You gave time a chance, it took all you gave and more. But tomorrow is your turn to receive. You're better off and complete. And they never said life was cheap.


(no subject)

I'm tired of being used, being abused. I'm not aloud to say the true thoughts in my minds eye in fear of hurting your little rabbit heart. You take it as you see it and use to your advantage. My words must seep deeper than yours. I'm insignificant and emotional-less obviously. Strong, stay strong, is repeated frequently to stop the pounding of anger to my fist. Every part of who I am reaches out to help you in every aspect of the word, but for what? To be treated like I'm another childish object to your affection. I want so much to yell, tell you the thoughts that run deeper than your blood. But no, I don't matter and here I am standing strained from such devious hurt. I give in, I give you what is left of my mangled feelings. Do with it what you want. I don't mind, remember? I'm not even close to being preciously important. Remember to use caution, I have too much influence in my life causing me to have outbursts. Thought to mention that small circumstance.


Just once someone look.

Colors collide with these long fingers. Slowly they point upward and make a print in the white blankness. You can cover up a void, but there is no changing what it truly is. You press harder and wait for it to smear, just to cover a little more. You take a step back to see what you have projected for all the world to see. Your head tilts to the side in wonder, what can be more plane than this. A simple gesture to those with a rushing breath. Maybe each color has a meaning a scattered minded passerby wonders. Only you grasp what is. But yet you're waiting for some voice to disagree to agree. You stand straight and bend your knees, why make it seem so, just another, it won't matter. You press in harder again, again, again, and again. A cycle although unpredictable. You look up at the work that has transpired. Your hands dangle at your sides. No one will know what was held behind the blissful colors. The cold white that so many ignored. You succeeded in making it worthwhile. At least to some solemn soul will look, nod, and go back to a rushing pace that kills imagination. Then tomorrow you will return and re-coat it for another curious glance.



Slowly I walk into your room and see your sleeping form rise gently and swallow you whole. You're mildly indifferent. Too innocent for your own good. I have once seen you stare the screen in awe of the truth around. How horrific. To hear the passing sounds outside the window and looking back at you to see you still sleeping is strange; not even worried. You seem to know who you are in this moment of truth. Your dreams create a barrier and I can't touch what I can not know. I cringe when a sound of an alarm goes off. I suddenly bolt out of bed in surprise and like always I was dreaming of a younger more lively replica. Beauty had no standards and butterfly's were like toys without a cost. How close we once were to finding the fairy of the woods and how short handed we came up because we had to grow up. Disappoint was never a word, it was frown and a spanking and off to bed you went. Life was simpler and now my sweat covered pillows tell me of the truth. I am no longer who I once was. How utterly saddening. Another day...just another routine. Simple until you pull back the sheets of time to see the whole truth of the matter. Maybe then people could see why the distance in one persons eyes is like many others. They all have believed the same once, but they are now broken. Too much reality for a true hero in a sheet cape.


Never forget.

I will never forget your smile when you were happy or when you hugged a little too tightly. When things are hard I will remember what you made it through. So tough was your spirit. I will never forget your good hearted nature. Nor the way you play with our hair and mess it up. Forever I will remember how you were sensitive to life and everyone in it. I will never forget your laugh or your poofy hair. You were the glue that held us together and now that you're leaving I don't know what to expect. I am a quivering child afraid of falling. Falling farther into this hole our mother dug for us. You will go on with a better life, a girl to love you, and happier smile. I will never forget you. Never. You are a part of who we are today. If tomorrow never came for me and everyone else I would never forget where you are. Your soul is bright and ready to grow. I will never forget our childhood. The bad, the good, and everything in between. I will always remember, you.
.I miss you big brother.
A different place

  • Current Music